Haunting Past

past now future

The past always seems to find a way into the NOW. Uninvited, unexpectedly, and unraveling at times; there it is, rearing it’s old ugly head right in the middle of the present gift being offered. My issue, as of recently, has been ex’s. Ex lovers, ex friends, ex boyfriends, ex situations, ex circumstances, etc. Boy if I had a dollar…. I’d be rich!!! The past constantly tries to hang on, tries to make us remember, tries to make itself apart of our present, so that it can be apart of our future. With me having a problem letting people go, it seems I am more open to allowing the past to push through.

I am trying my best to forget and move forward. Most people from my past have their own agenda. They want things to be how they have always been to a different degree. What I mean is that they want what they have always gotten from me: love, support, encouragement, a faith boost, etc. Yet they don’t want to give me the one thing I’ve desired the most: it all!!! While I’m busying giving my all in relationships, they are casually giving me a part. I’m an all or nothing type of person because with love that is just how it is. Apparently, most people today, missed that memo.

GOD knows I need help in cutting people off!! Especially those that no longer serve a positive purpose in my life. I want to be done catering to people’s needs, fulfilling their desires, and going above and beyond for them; but that is who I am. I just wish more people were the same way. Then, I wouldn’t feel like I have to change who I am to better protect myself from the harsh realities of this world. Nowadays you cannot put anything past anyone because people are so self-serving. What is really the point of serving, if you are only serving yourself? How is that contributing to a greater society and better world for us to leave behind to our children?

Wisdom learns from the past and doesn’t repeat lessons, and as I grow in mine, I am learning that I have to persevere. In order to do that I have to set limits and stick to them. I have to preserve myself as the loving person that I am. I have to guard my heart above all else. And mostly I have to learn not to answer my phone… LoL.

Random Sidebar: {Technology…… Remember the days before caller ID, when you had no idea who was calling. Then I’d just let my phone ring. Now I feel bad, like somehow the person calling can see me looking at their name and choosing not to answer.} 

I have a tendency to over-think and that does not help much. And I definitely care too much about what/how other people feel and not enough about what/how I feel. I’m changing that. Right now!! This entry bears witness & I will do better!!!

How can I move forward into my propitious year while allowing my past to haunt me and deter me from my desires. I am learning to focus on me for a change. I am the author of my own destiny, I am the main character in this story. I dictate how things will or won’t go. I refuse to keep allowing others to write my pages, particularly blasts from the past that are not a part of my daily life now!! Who are they anyway??? Are they really worth a page, paragraph, or sentence?? I am rewriting their characters in my story. Their new line is this: They were apart of my life but lost the privilege because they no longer served my greater good. Chapter closed! The End. Good morning new day!! Brighter days ahead!!

“You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.”
―Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

This entry was posted in 2013, Celebrate Life, Dictionary Words, Forgiveness, Humanity, Life, Living, Love, Self Help and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Haunting Past

  1. You seem to have taken the words straight out of my mouth… It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who’s constantly giving, and hoping, yet not receiving the things I want or needed in return.

    I shall learn to start rewriting the stories and closing some chapters. There is much to be learned from this post, thank you.

  2. Hooray!! I am not alone!!! So often in this world filled with people that take it is hard to believe that there are still givers out there!!!

    You will rewrite, edit, and close with love, joy, and peace!! THANK YOU!!! I was leery about posting this one and said I must! I understand why now!! Thanks for letting me know that putting myself out there isn’t in vain!! Hope you’re having a wonderful day!!! ♥

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